Embrace Your "What Ifs"

After eleven years of teaching yoga for studio owners, non-profits, and health clubs, I recently decided it was time to start Come On, Get Healthy!, a yoga and wellness coaching business of my own. Becoming a small business owner is a bold move, and has forced me into unfamiliar, and often uncomfortable, territory. It is the first time I have worked for variable income--I was always salaried in my previous career in marketing. Instead of selling other people's products, I now earn business based on my experience and talents. There is also risk involved, as I have invested money, and time away from my family, to make the business work. It's a leap of faith, with little indication as to whether my investments will pay off.

Although I am only three months into this new venture, the business is growing quickly, I have earned more than I invested, and I absolutely love what it has added to my life. Now that the business is working, and I am enjoying it immensely, I can't help but wonder:

What took me so long?
What was it, exactly, that held me back?

When I ask myself these questions, it doesn't take long to identify similar patterns of resistance that have shaped the course of my life, in both good and bad ways. It's clear to me now, though, that my greatest successes occur when I push past uncertainty and insecurity, to release my untapped strengths. Still, I wonder why it can be so difficult to let go of our attachments, when we know there is so much potential good on the other side.

Why do we resist change?

Status quo, even if it is not perfect, is much more more comfortable than exploring the unfamiliar. It is human nature to be attached to "the way we have always done it", even if we are not getting the results we want. We settle for good enough. We justify and minimize problem areas, because change is incredibly daunting, and we are afraid to fail. I get that, and realize that this is the reason that we often respond to opportunities for growth with "I could never":


I could never do a handstand...
I could never be a vegetarian...
I could never practice yoga at home...
I could never own a business...

These are just a few of the fears I have overcome through my yoga practice. I can't say it was easy, but I am grateful beyond words for the journey, and the benefits of conquering these doubts. Yoga helped me see past the illusory stories I told myself, and finally meet "I could never" with "what if":


"I could never master that yoga pose" became "What if I research technique, and practice that pose every day until it clicks?"


"I could never give up meat" became "What if I fast on fruits and vegetables for two weeks, and then decide if I want to change my diet for good?"


"I could never practice yoga at home" became "What if I turn on my favorite music, roll out my mat, and see what happens from there? Would I enjoy it?"


"I could never work for myself" became "What if I start small, work out of the house, and let the business grow organically?"

Instead of surrendering my power to fear and self-doubt, like I used to, yoga has taught me to practice self-awareness and curiosity. With new perspective and clarity about the barriers I create for myself, I now recognize that trying and failing is much more rewarding than never trying at all. And trying and succeeding is glorious.

It takes time, and practice, to see our resistance clearly. Some barriers can actually serve us in unexpectedly good ways, but more often than not, they inhibit our growth. Learn the difference, and confront your doubts with the knowledge that, as Marianne Williamson said, "Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, it is that we are powerful beyond measure." Our lives blossom when we let go of self-doubt, and embrace the possibility that "I could".

Amber Barry is a certified yoga instructor, wellness coach, motivational speaker, public school advocate and founder of Come On, Get Healthy! She lives in Atlanta, GA, with her husband and three daughters, and shares her adventures in wellness on the Come On, Get Healthy! Facebook page (like us!).

Full Circle on New Year's Resolutions

The new year is here! Have you made a resolution yet? For many years I dreaded that question. It made me feel pressured to publicly commit to stop doing something I enjoyed, or to start doing something I didn't want to do, usually in the name of greater health. I never felt confident in my declarations that I would "work out more often", "eat better", or "drink more water". I set myself up for failure, time and again, by striving for perfection. It ultimately did more harm than good, and diminished my self-esteem.

After many years of never quite living up to my resolutions, I hit a breaking point in 2004, and resolved to stop making resolutions. It was the right decision, at the right time. Our first child was six months old, and I was a good way into my second pregnancy. When I wasn't feeding my newborn, I was teaching seven yoga classes a week, unpacking from our recent move, and fighting morning sickness. It was overwhelming, to say the least. So I stopped making resolutions, and it was a relief.

Even without the pressure of living up to new year resolutions, life got more hectic soon after I resolved to not resolve. We had two more children in the next three years. By the time our third child arrived, I was drowning in diapers, bottles, and burp cloths. I was still teaching yoga several times a week, but I rarely found time for a personal practice. Parenthood was more work than I expected, and like most new parents, I did little for myself in those days.

I realize now that, during those "baby years", I unintentionally surrendered my individuality to the demands of parenthood. My life was totally out of balance, and I struggled to align my needs with my family responsibilities. I rarely had time to myself, and when I did, I used it to check items off my "to do list". Instead of taking a yoga class, or meeting a friend for coffee (as my husband often suggested) I would go grocery shopping, fold laundry, or organize the house.

I soon realized that the old adage is true: all work and no play makes for an unfulfilling life. By December 31, 2009, I was worn out! Something had to give. Although I thought I was done with new year's resolutions for good, I knew I had to make a commitment to find better balance in the year ahead.

After a lot of soul-searching and contemplation, in December 2009, I made my first new year's resolution in five years...but this time it was different. Instead of resolving to remove bad habits from my life, I made a commitment to add value to my life, by pursusing my passions. I resolved to write, paint, and learn how to play guitar. It was difficult at first, but I slowly learned to carve time into my day for creative pursuits. I set myself up for success by committing to "be creative" for at least thirty minutes every day, and gave myself grace on the days it just couldn't happen. It was a small daily commitment, that added value over time, and brought my life into greater balance over the course of the year.

My plan worked, and 2010 was a much better year for all of us. By adding creativity to my list of priorities, I discovered new ways to connect with my family. I bought canvases and paint for my kids, and encouraged them to create their own masterpieces, while I worked on several paintings for my husband's office. I learned how to play Taylor Swift songs on the guitar, and my girls would joyfully sing along, while I picked out the chords. I started writing three different novels, and I hope to finish them someday. Even if they never see a bookshelf, though, I grew a lot in the process.

Resolving to pursue my passions was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. It taught me to commit to enjoying the journey, instead of focusing on the destination. I learned to set smaller, achievable long-term goals. Little by little, I learned to live with greater passion and authenticity.

It was a powerful revelation, and I wanted to continue the trend in 2011. So, just about this time last year, I again resolved to add value to my life, but this time the focus was on wellness. I wanted to feel great when I turned 40 in May, so I committed to explore new opportunities for greater health in 2011. I challenged myself to master difficult yoga poses that I had previously feared. My kids and I both giggled as I practiced my handstands and balance poses, anywhere and everywhere. I learned to love meditation, reduced my sugar intake, and increased my intake of nutrient-rich foods. Yoga workshops fueled my practice. A vegetarian retreat with Meredith Klein of Pranaful inspired me to experiment with "power foods" and "macro cooking", and I finally met and practiced with one of the yogis who first inspired me to meet my mat in 1998, Steve Ross of Maha Yoga. It was another successful resolution, and 2011 might have been my healthiest year ever.

So now, on January 1, 2012, my attitude towards new year's resolutions has come full-circle. I no longer resent the inquiries about my new year's resolutions, and I am encouraged by new possibilities for the year ahead. I am hopeful for 2012, and I know that, no matter what I resolve, it will add balance and joy to my life.

If you are already inspired by the resolutions you have set for 2012, I hope they lead you to a more joyful life. If, like me, you haven't quite settled on a specific resolution, take time to create an achievable commitment or two. Focus on resolutions that empower you to incrementally pursue your passions, and live with greater authenticity. When we replace pursuit of perfection, with exploration of untapped opportunities for growth, life comes into greater balance, and we can finally live our best life.